| GET NO RESPECT? TRY THIS UNUSUAL | | | | In all the above examples, the recipients of the gift or |
| APPROACH | | | | favor reacted with a puzzled expression, but |
| Like the late Rodney Dangerfield, you may sometimes | | | | nevertheless accepted the gesture. In two of the |
| find that you "don't get no respect." In Rodney's | | | | situations the recipients became more friendly later on. |
| comedy routine, disrespect was amusing. But in real life | | | | (Unfortunately, the hypercritical boss did not, but that's |
| it fills us with indignation. | | | | a subject for another article.) |
| Our typical response is sarcasm or avoidance. Has | | | | When you first try the gift/favor approach, it won't feel |
| such a reaction EVER made a difference in getting | | | | right at all. The immature recesses of your mind (what |
| more respect from others? I doubt it. | | | | I call the "inner brat") will NOT want to do it. It may |
| Today I'm going to show you a better way to deal | | | | even scold you for kissing up to someone who |
| with disrespectful people who irk you, frustrate you, | | | | treated you with disrespect. |
| and drain you of energy. | | | | But your inner brat doesn't realize that you are not |
| HERE'S THE SECRET: When someone gets under | | | | kissing up. You are taking charge, choosing to rise |
| your skin, do them a small favor or give them a small | | | | above the other person's hostility. This is the mark of a |
| token gift. Here are some real-life examples: | | | | mature person, something the inner brat can't |
| * A divorced man, whose ex-wife played power | | | | understand. |
| games by impeding his relationship with the children, | | | | Here are some tips to make the gift/favor strategy |
| decided to try the small favor route. One day when he | | | | even more powerful: |
| picked up the kids from her house he brought her a | | | | 1. You don't have to act right away -- in fact |
| quart of gourmet-grade cherries. "I was at the farmer's | | | | sometimes it's more effective when you wait a while. |
| market and saw these cherries, which I recall were | | | | 2. The gift or the favor must be very small. If it's too |
| one of your favorite treats," he said casually. "I know | | | | lavish, the other person might consider it a bribe or a |
| the market is far from your house, so I figured as long | | | | manipulation. In the earlier example of the ex-wife, |
| as I'm going to stop by here anyway, I would bring you | | | | suppose the man had brought her some expensive |
| a few." | | | | perfume. In that case she could have easily assumed |
| * An employee whose boss was hypercritical made a | | | | that he was just trying to control her. |
| point of bringing her a copy of a magazine article on | | | | 3. Any favors that you do for this purpose must |
| antiques, a subject that the employee knew was the | | | | appear casual and incidental. Note that the man with |
| boss's hobby. As the employee walked by her desk | | | | the cherries told his ex that he noticed them while he |
| he stopped briefly and gave her the article. "I read this | | | | was shopping at the farmer's market. He gave them |
| piece in Newsweek last night, and thought I'd bring it in | | | | to her at the same time that he was picking up his kids. |
| just in case you hadn't seen it," he said nonchalantly. | | | | He didn't make any special trips. When you present |
| * A college student happened to be in the vicinity of a | | | | token gifts in such a casual manner, the recipient is less |
| classmate who had participated in spreading a rumor | | | | likely to feel manipulated. |
| about her. The classmate had just exclaimed that her | | | | 4. Use this approach sparingly. If you do it too often, |
| cell phone battery was dead. The student pulled her | | | | you may be viewed as patronizing or "kissing up." It's |
| own phone from her pocket and offered, "Here. Go | | | | better to save it for infrequent little surprises. |
| ahead and use mine." | | | | |